Burger King- Coming To A Theater Near You

The Burger King mascot is set to star in a feature film that will focus on his back-story. Who is this Burger King weirdo, and where did he come from? Captive audiences will likely find out by the end of this year. I, for one, can't wait to pay nine dollars for a two-hour long Burger King commercial featuring the silent, creepy, mostly-human dude that sometimes haunts my dreams.

We've recently seen the Burger King mascot in video games. By "we," I mean other people who actually paid for these games.

Starbucks And The Name Game

Shahnaz Husain's plan to open her "Starstrucks" coffee shops in India is simply not flying with Starbucks.

According to the Mint business paper, Starbucks has appealed to the Indian Controller-General of Patents, stating that the name of Starstrucks is deceptively similar to its own name. Husain's rebuttal has been that her coffee shop's concept is totally different.

While Starstrucks will serve coffee, much like Starbucks, this coffee shop plans to have a celebrity theme, with posters of movie stars adorning its walls. Starstrucks is to be a chain with over 25 stores being opened in India this year alone.

"They have opposed, and we will fight," Husain told the Mint. Husain, also known as "The Herbal Queen," does not believe that she should have to change Starstrucks' name.

Angus And Coffee At McDonalds

McDonalds has debuted their new angus burgers in Southern California as part of its deluxe menu. If our fast food eating friends in Southern California enjoy the angus, the line may expand to other parts of the country.

Why just Southern California for now? Sue Mullins of marketing for McDonalds states that it's because Southern California is "a burger town" (is all of Southern California being considered ONE town now?) and because people in Southern California have "refined taste buds."

Thank you, Ms. Mullins, for making this Chicago local feel small and unworthy.

The three tender and flavorful angus sandwiches include a deluxe burger, a mushroom swiss, and a bacon cheese.

In other news, McDonalds' coffee has won the spot of being the taste test favorite in a recent edition of "Consumer Reports," beating out Burger King, Starbucks, and Dunkin' Donuts.

Throwing The Book At Book-It

Pizza Hut's Book-It program has been rewarding grade school readers with personal pan pizzas since 1985. Currently, 50,000 schools nationwide are using the Book-It program as an incentive for turning pages, and while there are many advocates of the program, child development experts are starting to bare their fangs and attack.

Susan Linn, of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, believes that the program "epitomizes everything that's wrong with corporate sponsored programs in school," stating that it promotes the consumption of junk food and undermines parents by putting pressure on them to spend an evening at the Hut. Her organization also cites childhood obesity as a reason to end this popular program.

Frankly, I have fond memories of the program that gave me free pizza in exchange for reading. Would I have read books anyway? Yes. The pizza, however, was an added bonus. Perhaps they could modify the program for today's kids who already eat too much fast food- free personal pizza OR free personal salad.

Book-It is conducted annually in approximately 925,000 classrooms in the United States.

Domino's Web Site Delivers

Domino's Pizza has a new interactive website, created by HS2 Solutions of Chicago. Perhaps my favorite feature of this new website are the free music downloads from up and coming artists such as Kate Voegele and Mr. Blotto. Others, however, may want to star in their own Domino's commercial or enter the new Fan Fuel NASCAR sweepstakes.

Rob Weisberg, of Domino's marketing, as quoted in Shoot Online: "Our goals for the new site were two-fold. First, we want to extend the Domino's brand in a fun and engaging way through the Internet. Our second goal is to drive customer opt-in registrations for Domino's e-mail offers by leveraging sweepstakes, music downloads and viral campaigns [like the 'Star in this Ad' area of the site]."

Mission accomplished: Domino's now has all of my vitals in exchange for some rad tracks. Yes, you heard me. I said "rad tracks."

As a sidenote, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about their new Cheesy Garlic Bread Pizza.

America Runs To The Grocery Store

Dunkin' Donuts, partnering with Proctor and Gamble, will soon be sending their packaged coffee- in both whole bean and ground- to the shelves of grocery stores near you.

Dunkin' Donuts is the #1 coffee and baked goods chain worldwide. Proctor and Gamble products include everything from Millstone and Folgers coffee to Pampers diapers, Duracell batteries, and Pepto-Bismol.

FYI, Free Iced Coffee Day at Dunkin' Donuts is March 21st. For a full 24 hours, patrons will receive a free 16 ounce cup of Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, upon request. Mark your calendar and tell your friends.

The Cheesy Potatoes Incident

It turns out that Jeremy Rathbun of St. Joseph, Missouri did not actually find a razor blade in his Taco Bell cheesy potatoes.

He initially made the claim of his tampered potatoes earlier this week, according to the KQ2 news. Unfortunately for the 23 year old, there were inconsistencies in his story, and he's since been arrested. Charges of filing a false police report are pending.

The police captain of St. Joseph has stated that, oftentimes in situations such as these, the motive is monetary. Really? You think?

Rathbun has been convicted of forgery and also of passing bad checks. Say what you will about the St. Joseph scam artist, but at least he's not a quitter.

Taco Bell has plans to prosecute.

Jamba Juice: Slurps and Slurs

When Charlene Pabro ordered a Jamba Juice, the employee taking her order found it simpler to put "Dyke" on her receipt, rather than her name.

The Rancho Cordova Jamba Juice employee has since been fired, and Jamba Juice has issued an apology stating that the incident has "saddened and stunned" the company. They have pledged to phone Ms. Pabro to apologize. Hopefully, they will refer to her during this call as "Ms. Pabro" or "Charlene."

Text MYSBUX For A Good Time

Beginning today, finding a Starbucks near you may be even easier than simply walking down the street.

Text your zip code to MYSBUX, and a list of three nearby Starbucks shops will pop up on your mobile telephone. While carrier charges for sending a text message will still apply, one could potentially off-set these costs by filling up on free coffee at US Starbucks on March 15th between 10 am and noon.

In January 2007, the Starbucks website received three million hits from customers searching for locations. They open four new stores daily and currently operate over 9,400 locations in the United States.

KFC Asks Pope To Bless Sandwich

KFC mailed a letter to Pope Benedict XVI in early February asking him to bestow a blessing upon the 99 cent KFC Fish Snacker. This is a move to boost sales during Lent and snag business from Catholics on the go. In the letter to the Vicar of Christ, the president of KFC wrote:

We beseech you to grant your seal of approval for this innovative menu item, as your blessing on this endeavor would do much to promote this sandwich as a way for members of your flock to keep a holy Lenten season, while still leading their busy, modern lifestyles.

As of yet, the Pope has not replied. Certainly, blessing this fast food sandwich is more towards the middle of his to do list.

The KFC Fish Snacker is the first fish item on the chicken chain's menu. Good luck with that, KFC!

Vice President of... Pizza?

It's not just the honorary title of "Vice President of Pizza" that Pizza Hut wants to award one lucky winner. It's also a $25,000 salary, use of a "company car" for a three month victory tour, and- sweet mother- free pizza for an entire year. Drooling yet? Candidates can log onto www.pizzahut.com/vpofpizza for instructions on how to submit a short video that demonstrates why they're America's Number One Pizza Fan.

Two runners-up will receive Pizza Hut parties for 100 of their closest friends, and twenty-five candidates will get a month's supply of pizza in the form of gift cards.

While a $25,000 salary is probably a pretty good figure for an honorary vice president of pizza, I'd like to know what the real Vice President of Pizza is earning. Also, I'd like to know his stance on the controversial topic of Thin 'N Crispy.

Matt Wins Race, You Win Fries

Whenever Matt Kenseth wins a race this NASCAR season, fans are entitled to a "Matt's Monday" order of curly fries at Arby's. In order to obtain these spiral-shaped fast food fries, customers will need to bring in a print-out of the race results from the weekend races.

Matt Kenseth has stated, "I've been a fan of Arby's since I was a kid and Curly Fries are a big favorite. This motivates me to bring it home for the fans."

If you weren't a fan of Matt Kenseth before, you may find yourself converting the next time you enjoy a deliciously free order of curly fries.

Small print on "Matt's Monday" reads:

Valid only on the Monday's following a race won by Matt Kenseth, limited to one order per person with coupon, while supplies last, is not valid with any other offer, and is available at participating Arby's locations.

Go Matt Kenseth! And thank you, Arby's, for my newfound interest in NASCAR.